"The length is too short for the width. What? I try to play all tubes." --Eric Beckstead
"The thing about myspace is that my sister is on there, and I want to fuck my sister, so I have to use myspace." --Eric Beckstead
"It's like cock on a plate. I'm so on top of that." --Chris Pauli
"It includes oh my God I ahhhh a lot." --Jason Mattax
"Pooping would be a significant upgrade in my life." --Jason Mattax
"Now I like penises just as much as any girl, but the joy of picking up a soft, soggy well chewed penis continues to elude me." -- Elizabeth on The Consumerist
"I wonder if I could fist his ear." --Eric Beckstead
"I remember laying eggs in KScott. It was so great." --Eric Beckstead
"I have a discount goat and a goat kite." --Eric Beckstead
"I can give you a shower concurrent with peeing." --Mary Seidel
"Behold the power of turmeric!" --Andrea Higdon
"I don't give good handjobs. Sorry" --Mandy
"Don't make fun of my unilateral renal genesis." --Zhundia, Orc Shaman, Kahz Modan
"Yes you can sniff my crotch. It has been sniffed by professionals." --Thomas Powers
"We can categorically state that we have not released man-eating badgers into the area." --UK military spokesman Major Mike Shearer
"Day five thousand, four hundred and eleven: Still have a cunt." --Alendria
"Reality is only what you can masturbate on. Imagination is what you can masturbate too." --Schlake
"I was desperate once...so I did a fat chick, it turned me off so much I thought I was straight." --MsBissic
"I was just thinking that if I hired a transexual I wouldn't use it to trick you...I'd play with it myself." --MsBissic
"Everything needs boobs. At least everything female." --Schlake
"My brother likes girls. It's so weird." --Anonymous girl in the gelato shop
"How can teabagging be unpleasant?" --MsBissic
"Its testicles will one-shot you." --Xyzzy
"Again, sounds like a blast." --MsBissic
"I'm done giving candles head." --Melissa Seek
"I will pee Tang on you." --Stephanie Silva
"I'm a big fan of Kinky." --Camden Mullen
"I would smile all day, every day, if it would guarantee that a unicorn would get punched in the face. Those things are really very annoying." --Rachel Ray
"I'm all for people being hung." --Stephanie Silva
"I'm sorry, I like the cock." --Stephanie Silva
"I was only a blow job." --Misty Gotleib
"The reason I like gay guys so much is because they won't show me that disgusting flesh stick between their legs." --Tia Dickerson
"You can't kill my boyfriend Schlake; you're not allowed." --Carrie Planck
"I don't suck tailpipe." --Stephanie Silva
"I'm like, 2/3 out of anal lube. I've lived a good life." --Mary Seidel
"Since I'm not a child, I think it would be good for me to find a partner who isn't a pedophile." --Mary Seidel
"I've never had alcohol poisoning in Socorro. I have in Albuquerque." --Anonymous, overheard in the gellato shop
"Well if you think about it, it is technically a date every time I see you because you buy me a meal and then I take my clothes off." --Stephanie Silva
"Horse penis gave me a colossal canker sore and an inflamed taste bud on the back of my tongue. It ALWAYS does that." --Thommy Schmalt
"They're not in my butt. Yet." --Mike Stock, talking about tires for his car.
"Then I WISH I was a sodomite." --Stephanie Silva
"My crotch bubble doesn't make much of a table." --Mary Seidel
"I use the word crotch around you a lot more than other people." --Mary Seidel
"Having a house full of cookbooks you've never used is like having a
house full of naked pictures of women you have never fucked." --Mary Seidel
"I have both!" --Schlake
"Hey, get your hands off each others underwear!" --Anonymous, heard in the Manzanares Street Coffee House
"I was saving friday night for you. Bondage tape cool?" --Stephanie Silva
"Most vegetarians take for granted that eating animals is akin to buying a Hummer, removing its catalytic converter, and using the vehicle to cart around nuclear waste." -- Erik Marcus
"That is why stimulation of the clitoris should be left entirely to machines. They do a better job and complain less." --Talia Felix
"You wouldn't want to put your ass on my pipe." --Schlake
"And I have to be naked for this?" --Misty Gotlieb
"I don't masturbate in the shower. It feels to unusual." --Anthony Martinez
"And I had apparantly impersonated a butt plug too well." --Jason Trowbridge
"Let's roll to see if I know what dangers a menstrating door might pose to my paladin." --Jason Trowbridge
"Why are we getting Schlake to touch me?" --Carrie Planck
"Anyway the problem wasn't pcp, it was shady business practices. Just be an upstanding pcp smoker and your commercial endeavours will be fine." --pylonsound (on livejournal)
"That's why I smelt my own tin and beat it into foil with a rock. You can't trust any government hammers, you know." --minwee (on livejournal)
"It's Schlake-seeking pee. It comes out under the door." --Jason Trowbridge
"However, the concepts designed for the weak are also applicable to the rest of society." from http://www.optic.or.jp/com/mariko/mariko_e.html
"Everything is better when touched by a spoon." --Jason Trowbridge
"Hot sweaty NaN on NaN action, gotta love it! The possibilities are infinite." --Mark Bottjer
"Excuse me, I need to go get water; I dreamed I was mugged in Japan." --Jason Trowbridge
"Turning your love into solid form is not a scientific breakthrough. It's how babies are made." --Taimo, Level 38 Human Warlock, Denizens Of The Wasp, Silvermoon
"I'm trying to think if I need anything else?" --Mary Seidel, in line
at Walgreens to buy a home pregnancy test
"A coat hanger?" --Schlake
"Thank you for buying me dinner." --Mary Seidel
"Dinner is part of taking a married woman out for a movie and pregnancy
test, isn't it?" --Schlake
"My genitals are not prehensile." --Lauren Smith, confused about what I was suggesting she do with Anthony
"The third coming of Diablo will be a day for all those who eagerly
await it to rejoice. In that day all false games will be thrown into
the lake of fire and the elect will sit around their computers
leveling. Behold! It comes on a cloud of fury!"
--Awatola, Level 60 Tauren Shaman, Order of the Eye, Mal'Ganis
"I always thought tauren were wierd.. but this dude takes the cake."
--Alextheholy, Level 40 Human Paladin, Dark Knight Legion X, Mal'Ganis
"They are definately pointy and i think they are silly shaped, but other people don't agree." --Laruen Smith, describing her breasts to me
"So be sure to rub your anus on the towel before you start giving it to homeless people." --Jason Trowbridge
"This was well before puberty. Daisy Duke's ass held no mysteries for me." --Jason Trowbridge
"I had never strangled anyone before, so I really didn't know how much pressure you had to put on a person or how long it would take." --Dennis Rader (BTK)
"What are you doing here? How did you get here? Did you buy a car?" --Mary Seidel, suddenly realizing 20 minutes into our conversation that I live 85 miles away from her.
"Do I really want doggie cum on me?" --Lisa Eskra
"Well, men might be evil, but I can't stay away from cock." --Lisa Eskra
"Yea, it is hard to stick big things inside your body." --Lauren Smith
"My penis is not that shape." --Anthony Martinez, comparing himself to Jackhammer Jesus
"You mean you don't do it just to make your penis bounce around?" --Lisa Eskra
"I figured if I asked if I could eat your meat you would say yes." --Trista Sloan
"I did! I told you I wanted to eat your meat." --Trista Sloan
"You have to be very big to eat your own meat." --Trista Sloan
"A hooker a day keeps the depression away." --Lisa Eskra
"looks aren't everything.. mutants need love too." --Angela Gorn
"Schlake is putting the good pillows in his crotch!" --Mary Seidel, while trying to kick me in the testicles
"We only want white boys raping our daughter. No girls." --Mary Seidel, explaining a cheerleader to me
"Not up my butt! I'm going to grab your penis! Damn you asshole! The next time you do that I'm going to go for the nuts!" --Lauren Smith
"That really hurt Schlake. Can I try that with your penis?" --Anthony
Martinez
"You want him to smack you with his penis?" --Kelly Acridge
"I'm going to get your penis." --Lauren Smith
"Gosh I'm so dumb." --"Roxly (14/F/WV)"
"Dumb is the best kind of underage girl on the internet." --Schlake
"Er, pretend I didn't say that." --Schlake
"The last time I stuck something down your pants you weren't wearing
underwear." --Schlake
"Oh yea. Your fortune!" --Trista Sloan
"When Mary Seidel tells you not to use a prostitute, your ears have GOT to perk up." --Mary Seidel
"Dammit! Your living vulva just ate my penis!" --Jason Trowbridge
"Giving people dysentery makes me nauseous." --Jason Trowbridge
"Uncomfortable? I have a pole up my ass!" --Trista Sloan
"I know how this turns out. I have a really hairy potato." --Schlake
"Wow, he has a really small penis." --Lauren Smith
"See look, he's got a small penis. It wasn't that small when it was erect though." --Lauren Smith
"So, Schlake, what do you think of anal fisting?" --Anthony Martinez
"Oh, there we go. We finally got a blowjob in there." --Lauren Smith, watching porn
"You wouldn't masturbate me against your tit?" --Anthony Martinez
"I would if you wanted me too." --Lauren Smith
"No i will not smell your rag and tell you if it smells like chloroform." --Trista Sloan
"I'm dirty, and she plays with me." --Jarrod Lombardo
"Remember, it is only gay if balls touch." --Anthony Martinez
"I can get his own in his eye, I've done it before. He said, "my eye, my eye, ow it burns, mecho in eyohos"" --Lynn Milner
"Have I told you how unsafe deep throating can be." --Patrick Smith
"Besides, lard is cheap, why do we need her?" --Jason Trowbridge, discussing alternatives to expensive prostitutes
"Make love, not peace." --Andrea Higdon
"Operating on the penis." --Lauren Smith
"I fail to see how there is a connection between the size of your fly and the size of your penis?" --Lauren Smith
"I should know better than to talk about walking testicles in front of Schlake." --Lauren Smith
"You think that testicles are amazingly entertaining." --Anthony Martinez
"They move all on their own." --Lauren Smith, gesturing wildly with her
hands
"Well they do! They move all on their own!" --Lauren Smith, responding to
the previous quote.
"I think I could put it into your nose." --Anthony Martinez, discussing uses for his penis with Lauren
"If I wanted anal sex....no, nevermind, he would just giggle too much."
--Lauren Smith
"Giggle about what? Anal sex is funny." --Anthony Martinez
"You know I think they would be perfectly good breasts on someone bigger." --Anthony Martinez, about Trista
"Thumbs are really useful when you are trying to get a rubber-band off your testicles." --Schlake
"Mmmmm fornication." --Trista Sloan
"Schlake is ripping off our penises again! And our vaginas! At the same time!" --Jason Trowbridge
"Mmmmm. that's some fuckable material. I *am* horny today." --Kim
"I got into Heather's pants!" --Trista Sloan
"So by all means I'm going to keep trying to come." --Trista Sloan
"Eric, can you get me a paper towel? I'm going to need more than toilet paper to deal with this mess." --Trista Sloan
"I licked myself. I taste scaly." --Kelly Acridge
"Now if you can pee for me I'll give you a lot more." --Trista, offering Kscott some pizza
"I could totally suffocate someone. It is actually pretty easy." --Trista, describing uses for her breasts
"I've had the pre and post blueberry infusion, and yea, it is better." -- Nikki Brown, explaining the flavor of blow jobs
"It's a bucket of last chance juice." --Eric Beckstead
"All that work and no sauce." --Trista, not talking about penises or masturbation
"They feel better in real life than in your picture, too." --Trista explaining her breasts to me
"Where did you get your penis out of cheesecake?" --Lauren Smith
"With or without him I have plans for my testicles." --Jason Trowbridge
"Is this going to be the masturbation pole?" --Lauren Smith, who probably said poll not pole
"My guess would be that fisting would be comfortable" --Jarrod Lombardo, explaining fisting to Lauren Smith
"I don't understand. Is that getting a blowjob from a turkey?" --Jarrod Lombardo, explaining mind flayers to Lauren Smith
"But, like a team of blowjob girls, that could definitely be in the double digits in a day." --Jarrod Lombardo, explaining masturbation to Lauren Smith
"Why is the Kim-chi all shiny?" --KScott Rowe
"Oh, don't eat those." --Eric Beckstead
"Apparantly I'm proficient in pants." --Jarrod Lombardo
"Can I please put my chocolate between his legs?" --Anthony Martinez
"That is why it pays to be a prostitute." --Andrea Higdon
"I sense his penis calling me from that tent." --Eric Beckstead
"I've decided to make a concerted effort never to appear on Schlake's quotes page." --Anthony Martinez
"God can suck my little chocolate encrusted heinie." --Jason Trowbridge
"Was it as good for you as it was for me? My toes feel all tingly...I can't imagine what is crawling up my butt right now....Oh, I'm bleeding." --Trista Sloan
"You called me a cuck." --Trista Sloan
"Schlake needs more hard dick." --Trista Sloan
"It is hard to get the actual testicle inside the clothespin." --Kscott Rowe
"See I was thinking it would be nice if Trista showed up so we could all strip naked." --Eric Beckstead
"Those are easy to identify. They are short and have penises." --Eric Beckstead, describing young boys
"People have a right to be incredibly stupid piles of shit if they like. No amount of moaning on the part of the smarter aspects of society will be sufficient to open a closed mind." --Dan Somebody
"If you stuck your head in my penis with hurt." --Schlake
"It's finally happened. Your life has become a poorly translated
obscure foreign film." --Mary Seidel
"I try to find other people to touch my penis for me." --Kelly Acridge
"Hey, can I ride your rhino? I could use my little fun-stick!" --Nikki Brown
`
"I think we should all become eunichs." --Trista Sloan
"I'm proud of my troll penis, thank you." --Kelly Acridge
"I thought it was about hide-the-bone depth." --Nikki Brown
"What's with all these saucy penises?" --Trista Sloan
"If all I wanted was sauce on a penis, I could have that in a couple hours." --Lisa Eskra
"If it is too spicy for your dick it is too spicy for his mouth." --Kelly Acridge
"That reminds me of the baked potato I fucked once." --Eric Beckstead
"I've had a girl who tasted like beef stroganoff. It caught me by suprise." --Kelly Acrdige
"Diabetic's cum doesn't taste sweet either." --Trista Sloan
"I can't remember the last time I had sauce on my penis." --Kelly Acridge
"I got pee on my food. And I got sauce on my penis." --Raphel Mort
"Penis penis penis penis penis penis penis penis." --Mary Seidel
"Prostitutes are weird and ineffecient." --Mary Seidel
"I am not to be eaten in my own house!" --Lynn Milner
"Although blowing up your rhino sounds like a lot of fun, that's not what I want to do." --Eric Beckstead, to Trista
"Welcome. Tonight is facial expression night in Jason Land." --Jason Mattax
"Every once in a while you get a hankering for younger man-flesh." --Lynn Milner
"The penis is there because chicks dig it." --Lynn Milner
"I'm big, I'm heavy, and I scare fish." --Jake Kestner
"Titanium could help your tiny penis syndrome." --Trista Sloan
"She has two nipples. One for each asshole. What? Don't tell me you never thought of that? Didn't you have the dream?" --Eric Beckstead
"Somehow it's funnier when it's on your webpage." --Eric Beckstead
"I don't like being shot in the head." --Howard Swan, moments before getting shot in the head.
"It was the sexiest movie I've ever seen...that wasn't a pornographic-type movie." -Dr. Publicover, Mary Seidel's grandmother, describing Body Heat
"Look? Let's just tie you up and gag you and I'll make a sock puppet that looks like you so I can speak for you." --Mary Seidel, growing frustrated with my intercourse
"They need spleen juice; it is the only cure for liquidized brain hemmoraging!" --some girl from Saturn (the planet) who spoke to me on the phone attempting purchase my extra spleen with either a dollar or a russian submarine so that she could cure her friends runny noses
"Lumpal position." --Eric Beckstead
"Well, I know my legs go around his neck really well." --Nicole Brown
"No, lotion is for when you are trying to fill your belly button with poodle." --Schlake
"You don't ever talk to your mother that way...You understand me?" --Steve (head bouncer on Jerry Springer)
"A kidney punch will make you pee blood, and that will remind you of sausage." --Jason Trowbridge
"My boobs don't have a smell." --Trista Sloan
"Hi. We're talking about Trista's boobs." --Eric Beckstead
"Boots." --Trista
"If I could do that with breasts I'd eat chicken heads." --Jeff Southern
"I keep thinking about Schlake not wearing underwear."
--Rachel Armstrong
"You think about funny things." --Megan Doyle
"Do I taste good at least?" --Megan Doyle
"You taste like skin." --Rachel Armstrong
"If I had gone to UNM I was gonna be a stripper." --Megan Doyle
"That's creepy. I can't imagine sticking my dick in that." --Rachel Armstrong
"I like making girl's boobs really big." --Rachel Armstrong
"I want the bony half, because it is more fun." ---Jarrod Lombardo
"Anybody that I've invited to my house should be able to deal with a wall of penises." --Amanda McCleary
"I don't want the women, I just want the wall of penis." --Amanda McCleary
"I've seen a lot of penises in my life." --Kelly Acridge
"Why do the squirrels watch me while I sleep?" --Trista Sloan
"Photographers are photographers, not writers. Some know how to write and spell; many do not. " --Bill Walsh, a copy editor
"The pink dildo in the butt: that's nice." --Karl Frisch
"Oh, you want everything done through the bellybutton." --Mary Seidel
"What's a rape room if you can't decide if you are in the mood?" --Mary Seidel
"He purrs when people stick things in his butt. I think he does it out of fear." --Mary Seidel
"It sounds like a good rape." --Amanda McCleary
"What are you going to use to pry out the eye-gems?" --Warren Marts
"My penis." --Schlake
"Wow, I didn't realize it got that hard." --Warren Marts
"I want to be the trash can." --Schlake
"Do you have any sort of nuts?" --Amanda McCleary
"Yes, I have two of them." --Schlake
"The kind I want to eat?" --Amanda McCleary
"Have you ever read any of your quotes?" --Schlake
"There are no fluids involved when you are chewing on someone's nuts." --Jarrod Lombardo
"Yea, it's floppy enough with enough of an end." --Jarrod Lombardo, discussing his "sap"
"It's a good thing this pond is a stream." --Jarrod Lombardo
"Nothing like cactile sodomy." --Jason Trowbridge
"I closed out my bank account and now I live entirely on credit cards and blowjobs." --Mary Seidel
"I've been fisting this thing all day. It's kinda fun." --Margareta Young
"It's a lot easier to go down on something that's warm and throbbing." --girl who deep throated a popsicle
"My plan is simple. I'm going to ride her for the next six days." --Schlake, about Trista
"I think I lose a little bit of my soul every time I come here." --Trista Sloan, about coming to my house every Tuesday
"It's hotter and stuffier in my ass." --Eric Beckstead, about my house
"Well who wouldn't have fun if you got to ride me?" Trista Sloan, about riding herself
"How are you going to hurry while riding her?" --Eric Beckstead
"I'll ride her faster." --Schlake
"Her nipples are crooked!" --Trista Sloan
"Now lets put a bush on her." --Sara
"Can I weave a thread to a chicken?" --K. Scott Rowe
"I don't think pretending works on cadmium." --Schlake
"No, cadmium has a 5-second rule." --K. Scott Rowe
"Oh good. I didn't want to have a cross-dressing duck as a party member." --K. Scott Rowe
"What letter comes before W?" --Eric Beckstead (Earthdawn GM)
"Verjigorm." --Schlake (Earthdawn player)
"Don't worry. Even if you fail your willpower forever eventually the crabs will hatch and devour you." --Eric Beckstead
"I have plenty of time to sit on eggs." --K. Scott Rowe
"First rule of Earthdawn: Don't talk about Fight Club." --Eric Beckstead
"Notice I'm not sleeping in the wet spot." --K. Scott Rowe
"I've got lard, lets make S'mores!" --K. Scott Rowe
"I can play the part! Where's the humping?" --Eric Beckstead
"I'm a girl. I have to have babies. I can do whatever I want." --Kelli
"Thank God I have a dick. It would so suck to be a chick." --Unknown
"God, what a loser. You can't even cut Ringo's legs in half right." --Ben Herman
"Come on, haven't you noticed all those Catholics following you around?" --Eric Heatwole
"Aha! Moscow is his crotch, not his butt." --Unkown, but it sounds like Jason Trowbridge
"I really want a wiggly thing with a light and a camera in my ass." --Cort Dougan
"You can always suck on it." --Cort Dougan and Matt Richmond at the same time.
"Don't come in here, its too terrible! I think I just bifurcated my penis." --Warren Marts
"Why would anyone want to cleabe a buver?" --Julia Gray
"I don't know. I've got all the chocolate off, but I can't seem to stop licking it. It must be all the inscriptions on it." --Matt Richmond
"I just can't stop holding onto my sea cucumber." --Eric Heatwole
"I could kill Christina Applegate and have her neck surgically replaced in exchange of my own." --Ben Herman
"You got purty neck." --Ben Herman
"Oh, my straw is smooshed. Too much suction." --Amanda Grizzle
"It may not have a verb, but it does make sense for where it is." --Warren Marts
"That won't work on my balls." --Warren Marts
"Make sure I don't use poisoned pencils, guys. I stick everything in my mouth." --Amanda Grizzle
"I am imaganing Schlake as a fat woman." --Eric Beckstead
"...with Hollindaise sauce." --K. Scott Rowe
"They might be feasting on the juicy nuggets of Lord Raggocks melons." --Eric Beckstead
"I'll give you a $1000 rebate if you toss my salad. I want to be a used car dealer." --Eric Beckstead
"He needs to trim his ball hair." --Nicole Brown
"Apparantly my family was drawn out of a random hat." --Jacob Kestner
"I only whack off to group sex porn." --Eric Beckstead
"Just because it's pink doesn't mean it's a vagina." --Eric Beckstead
"I've got to be wary of the peeing in the mouth." --Kelly Acridge
"When you are looking at something with your ass, how do you do that?" --Nicole Brown
"How from away from it is me?" --Schlake
"It's a shame that isn't the pencil I use to clean my ass with." --Schlake
"It tends to be warm in my pants." --Jarrod Lombardo
"This town is full of cocksuckers, man." --Isaac Burleigh
"I'm having problems, can you help me? I can't get it to go in" --Katrina Burleigh
"I'll need your help to find the hole." --Schlake
"Ok." --Katrina Burleigh
"Because it's Schlake's poo I'm interested in!" --Eric Beckstead
"Now there's a big hole in my crotch." --Nicole Brown
"He's my botanist courtyard dancing partner." --Trista Sloan
"You have a creepy fucking dick." --Eric Beckstead
"I miss having pussy." --Nicole Brown
"Contrary to popular belief I've never had an orgy in Socorro." --Trista Sloan
"If you really want you can latch on to this giant green pile of lovin here." --Jake Kestner
"Time to bury this cow. I mean, if Jess were here it would be on fire already." --Warren Marts
"Strangely, I wouldn't expect a cow to burst into flames this easily." --Warren Marts
"That's funny. you know most cows don't do that when you set them on fire." --Warren Marts
"You're right. He is toast. I burned him." --Jess Roth
"You are acting like our old windling." --Jess Roth
"And she burned our old windling." --Jason Trowbridge
"I did." --Jess Roth
"Drop the beer and step away from the cow sir." --Owen Ford
"I don't have a dick. How could I fuck the soccer ball?" --Ben Herman
"You know, Einskulder is our chewbacca." --Steve Anderson
"So you just effectively have a full head bat hickey." --Owen Ford
"It's all about becoming anal probing dildo man." --Ben Herman
"Couldn't they just make it in a can and call it Crotch-O?" --Owen Ford
"This is when you grab your dick and jack off." --Brian Stewart
"That's so cool. I mean you pedal it and it fucks you." --Brian Stewart
"More people need naked pictures of Trista." --Lynn Milner
"Jarrod is the sideways sandpaper cock." --Eric Beckstead
"I don't need to see your dick again Schlake, sorry." --Jarrod Lombardo
"Can I come in here to have sex with Bill yet? I want to have sex with Bill." --Brain Truitt
"Should I walk back there and tell them to put the dick down? Perhaps I'll have a cookie instead." --Brian Truitt
"There's a party in Jarrod's pocket." --Warren Marts
"So you're avoiding the party in Jarrod's pocket because it has big hair?" --Jason Trowbridge
"Ballerina outfits. Oh my God, that's always a sure sign of kobolds." --Jason Trowbridge
"Yea they are having sex through the hole in my septum." --Jarrod Lombardo
"Oh my God, this is like painfully large." --Jarrod Lombardo
"I could have put the d4 past where I could have gotten it out on my own." --Jarrod Lombardo
"I'll just whip out my dick and spray it all over your face." --Amanda McCleary
"I don't want my boobs to look like mommy boobs." --Trista Sloan
"I'm not a prude. I just think penises are gross." --Trista Sloan
"I know somebody who has a penis as long as a Pringles can." --Trista Sloan
"Does looking at penis count as cheating on your wife?" --Eric Beckstead
"I have a God-given right to touch my own penis." --Eric Beckstead
"I have a professional intrest in your tits." --Eric Beckstead
"I can fit in a dryer!" --Trista Sloan
"Curse you and your addictive kisses, Trista!" --Kelly Acridge
"I'm a girl. I'm not squatting on your face." --Trista Sloan
"She takes out some duct tape, straps on the penis of the last person she killed, and stalks the night." --Kelly Acridge
"My little brothers sperm-guy played it a lot." --Trista Sloan
"Sometimes I wish I had a dick." --Nicole Brown
"I bet Doug-pee smells worse than Schlake-pee." --Trista Sloan
"There's a lot of room for testicles in there." --Nicole Brown
"The really terrible thing is that I don't know if it is in or out." --Schlake
"The easist way to kill sperm is to throw more sperm at them." --Kelly Acridge
"Let's all have a cock-fight!" --Trista Sloan
"People have holes and you don't see people dropping rocks up their holes." --Jason Trowbridge
"If a rock isn't big enough to make my testicles hurt then it isn't worth picking up." --Schlake
"I'm sharpening my ass." -Amanda McCleary
"And a bloody nose is that you've got a hard on." --Jarrod Lombardo
"I don't have the self confidence to be a hooker." --Jarrod Lombardo
"My cervix is hurting too because I just got it out on Wednesday." --??
"Its got an opening in the back and it makes moaning noises when you use it." --Heather Hutchens
"I'm not saying he likes penis in his butt." --Trista Sloan
"You see I need more pictures of cock." --Eric Beckstead
"The power of imagination: It makes me better than the weasels." --Eric Beckstead
"You have a warm hole; Tino likes you." --Eric Beckstead
"I met my wife. She was pretty cool. She let me put my penis in her." --Eric Beckstead
"No, the evil monkeys come to my windows and they have knives." --Trista Sloan
"A personal issue is when you screw somebodies wife. That's personal." --Robert D. Bixler
"Mmmm. Pink and salty." -Warren Marts
"I can tie Schlake and Warren together, but I don't think either of them would like it." --Amanda McCleary
"I don't really think I'd enjoy being tied to Schlake" --Jarrod Lombardo
"I said paper, not a paper cut!" --John Balulis
"I like pretty things. I'm sure I do. I'm a girl" --Amanda McCleary
"So maybe you suck for five seconds. --Jarrod Lombardo
"Just as long as we all know Warren spits." --Mandy McCleary
"If I ever lose even one limb I'm staying away from you!" --Mary Seidel
"Women aren't designed to want to sahoot stuff out of their bodies. They are designed to take stuff in. --Mary Seidel
"If he has sex with his mom then I get to have sex with his dad. That's all I have to say about that." --Mary Seidel
"A bad prostitute either never puts out or charges too much." --John Shipman
"If my wife had a dick I'd be fucking her." --Eric Beckstead
"I wouldn't fuck my wife if she had a dick." --Trista Sloan
"I enjoy my breasts, actually." --Nikki Brown
"Everybody wants Schlake-cock." -Eric Beckstead
"I love pussy and I didn't want to force him off." --Nikki Brown
"I don't know what you should be ashamed of. Lots of people have sex with Lynn." --Buddy Becker, to Jason Mattax
"And yet working at the gas station I developed this fascincation with Boobs." --Eric Beckstead
"He just dropped trou and spread his runed butt cheeks apart." --Kelly Acridge
"I used to whack off to these two. I had a subscription when I was 16." --Eric Beckstead, commenting on an old Playmate Twins issue of Playboy from the late 1980's.
"Consternation is not an approved emotion." --Howard Swan
"I didn't get a chance, he wasn't unhappy. I can't just drug him!" --Howard Swan
"The one with the wall of penises. That's the one I like." --Amanda McCleary
"I'm not going to roast the flag with my cat." --Eric Beckstead
"My balls are so squared on the the bottoms." --Isaac Burleigh
"The sheep are still there when they are deflated. Bastard fucks." --Jeff Southern
"What page are you on?" --Eddie, asking about Playboy over dinner at El Camino "...The centerfold?" --Pilar
"I like the robe. I refuse to wear pants." --Trista Sloan
"You can write that my nipples were excited when you gave me a blowjob." --Eric Beckstead
"I'm opposed to pants." --Trista Sloan
"There's a hole back there." --Jason Trowbridge, moments before farting
"Do you cover your eyes or do you cover your butt and run around screaming?" --Jason Trowbridge
"Lochost is not the Passion of titty-bars. Floranus is the Passion of titty-bars." --Eric Beckstead
"I just wanted to think about Jarrod's fucking jizz today" --Eric Beckstead
"Wouldn't it be weird Jeff, if I had a great big penis. I would like it too." --Ghoulie Beckstead
"Not only is he a Democrat, but he only sucks Republican babies." --Jason Trowbridge
"Sweet! He's unconcious in a dead frog!" --Eric Beckstead
"You're afraid of getting wood? You're afraid of getting wood? I'm going to stab you now." --Jason Mattax
"That was my second favorite armpit! That was where I keep my lunch!" --Kscott Rowe
"No actually her foot is in my crotch." --Jake Kestner "It is nice and warm there." --Nicole Brown
"I just wanted to turn Schlake into a woman." --Amanda McCleary
"Well except for the penis sticking out I've had that done to me. There are pictures." --Matthew McCleary
"Most people don't go running into the face suckers." --Jason Trowbridge
"I don't need a Schlake without pants. I especially don't need a female Schlake without pants." --Amanda McCleary
"I've put your monkey in my pants, but never your Lumpy." --Amanda McCleary
"Wow! I just thought of an awesome sex term for a butt. A mud pump." --Eric Beckstead
"What is really sad is that our president goes down on snack food." --Alex Takacs
"Now all I have to do is be a porn star and my life is complete." --Alex Takacs
"And then I got Katrina to do it with me." --Karl Frisch
"I'm sleeping at your house now." --Katrina Burleigh
"I think we're all extremely female now." --Jason Trowbridge
"There is no such thing as innocent furniture." --Jason Trowbridge
"Yes, the oiled Nubian slave can give me a good pull." --Jason Trowbridge
"I haven't said anything stupid yet." --Amanda McCleary
"The floor is quite slick with your talent, isn't it?" --Jason Trowbridge
"A friend will help you bury a body. A true friend will lend you a body." --Warren Marts
"Do I have boobs? Is my name Theresa?" --Eric Beckstead
"Well, you can see your cooch and your boobs. Those the the important parts of women." --Eric Beckstead
"Come on dear, let me pimp you out." --Eric
"Anal fixation is fine seperately?" --Jason Trowbridge
"If you have more monsters than my anal raping attribute can withstand then we'll have to pull out." --Jason Trowbridge
"I love the tingling sensation in my rectum." --Jason Trowbridge
"I'm sorry, I must be rectum oriented today." --Jason Trowbridge
"I want pensises. We're women!" --Amanda McCleary
"We used to be raped and pillaged and whatever." --Snezna
"Stay here. If you see a hooker, tell her no." --Isaac Burleigh
"If I had a dollar I would pay watch you jerk and rhyme funnily." --Amanda McCleary
"It doesn't fit in my mouth. It bumps into my tongue." --Amanda McCleary
"I'll pass this, but I won't pass the penis to you, because I don't pass penises lightly." -Jason Trowbridge
"That makes logical sense. It probably makes for a happy sink, too." --Jason Trowbridge
"Somehow I think I need mine. It's trained to wiggle properly." --Amanda McCleary
"The question isn't really whether the world is surreal. The question is whether you are Dali or one of his clocks." --Eric Beckstead
"No, I'm not jacking off my neighbor no matter what." --Eric Beckstead
"Laying on the floor with an elephant standing on my chest sort of convinced me to quit." --Someone explaining why they stopped taking cocaine
"Maybe. Maybe I sit here and hump your sink." --Amanda McCleary
"'Cause if I'm gonna pee in it for the next seven months it needs to be cleaner." --Amanda McCleary
"Hey, don't try to suck up to me. You knocked me up." --Patty Frisch "My work is done here." --Karl Frisch
"Ralph is far too expensive to have sex in." --Jason Trowbridge
"I figured the best way to defeat Schlake was from the inside. Since he isn't the Tarrasque I tried the end with teeth." --Communal effort
"We've been through this. I don't want any parasitic womb-suckers." --Warren Marts
"I want a penis." --Amanda McCleary (formerly Grizzle)
"I pick up girls. I get around." --Isaac Burleigh
"I don't need cock and cum jobs." --Jessica Lynch
"The high end hookers make a lot of money and they have a lot of sex." --Nathan Heronen
"Do these guys know who they are trying to bully?" --Brad Templeton, commenting on a threatening letter he received from American Express
"That'd be kinda funny. We all need to bugger Jason." --Jarrod Lombardo
"I just got this terrible image of a table bending Jarrod over." --Brad Banks "Bending me over what?" --Jarrod Lombardo
"I'm serious, you could play tic-tac-toe on my ass." --Margareta Young
See, the problem is Kscott, is that I can't find anyone to play with me." --Jason Mattax
"I switched to the no sausage/all-carpet diet." --Buddy Becker
"Spanking virgins is one thing, dude, but cannibalism is totally fucking out." --Eric Beckstead
"The virgin spanking has got me all tired." --Eric Beckstead
"I figured the only way a low level character could harm the Tarrasque, with its hard carapace, was from the inside. I chose the end without teeth. The rest is history." --Toast
"I was thinking that Jarrod sucks all kinds of things that are nice." --John Shipman
"That's no fun, you can't play pool in front of a mirror." --Trista Sloan, talking about naked women
"Now your hands are going to smell like it if you play with it." --Trista Sloan
"I can make vaginal sex better." --Jarrod Lombardo, in a note because he can't talk
"It's funny to see a Stoic with a hardon." --Jessica Lynch
"Maybe the penis, but not the face." --Eric Beckstead
"Cock: acceptable. Check." --Jason Mattax
"I'm supposed to be the horny one here." --Dolly Parton, speaking to Graham V. Norton.
"Do any of those knives look like weapons?" --Jason Mattax
"I recall as a child, my mother informing me that Santa wasn't real, but, like God, I have to pretend that he exists so that people won't try to murder me." --Blaze
I got this from comp.risks, but it was proved to be fake: "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house." -- a spokesman for North Westgas
"I didn't lay on top of anybody." --Matt Thomas talking about his orgy
"We think you're a hot hunk of ass." --Kate and Barb
"I don't have a need for dogcock any more than I have a need for chocolate. I just like both." --Tasmia
"I know I'm looking for a square, I just have to find the square looking thing." --Jason Mattax
"It's melting on my little nonexistant boobies." --Anonymous supermodel on CNN
"I have no qualms about my penis and I'm comfortable with its shortness." -- Oswald Sanchez
"Schlake is good at making things fit into holes." --Wade Brown
"What is a love-fest?" --Prisca Gruner (Webelow)
"Maybe if I had a clit I would use it." --Wade Brown
"I thought I knew every expression existing in the French language for self-gratification, including the crudest ones known to man." -- Bob Lutz, vice-chairman of GM http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2003/10/16/227790.html
"I have to go wash my hand. It's all sticky." --Wade Brown
"I'm a plum flavored condom by the way." --Amanda who won't give her last name but it starts with C.
"I'm not sure I want a tube that has been up someone elses ass." --Wade Brown
"The moral of the story is that the fat guy will do anything to get twitching hands on his clock." --Mary Seidel
"Some women. Can't live with them. Can't spank them enough to make them happy." --Karl Frisch
"...if you're into Pooh. And Pooh transcends childhood." --Karl Frisch
"Its like Pooh; if you're really into it, and like to look at it." --Karl Frisch
"I'm a big fan of Pooh." --Karl Frisch
"You don't want my crotch candy?" --Wade Brown
"I thought it would be fun to sleep with someone who killed people for a living." --Karl Frisch, talking about an FBI sniper
"I've never cummed in me either." --Mary Seidel
"I only bite on Monday's." --Patti Frisch
"Don't go down? How often does a girl hear that?" --Patti Frish
"The reason I sound so strange is that I just got some new teeth." --Alan Mattison
"My head broke my fall, and I heard it crack." --Kaylin, Playboy Playmate, Eco-Challenge team Smirnof Ice
"The rule is: we don't quit unless we die." --Eco-Challenge team 23 ThePeak.com
"I suppose I could always use another penis." -- Jason of the yellow pants
"So, can I have the key to Wade's pants?" --Buddy Becker
"No, really, after you update your quotes page, can I have the key to Wade's pants?" --Buddy Becker
"So if things have holes you can't un-hole it necessarily." --Jason Trowbridge
"I got rid of the crabs so I shouldn't be hearing voices anymore." --Kscott Rowe
"Ok, I have maybe a two inch penis..." --Jarrod Lombardo
"I suppose you are better than some dirty old men." --Beddy Becker, complaining that I was a grown man throwing pennies at a young boy.
"How many people want a rental ape ass?" --Buddy Becker
"Come on, I'll buy you any dildo you want if you let me ride you." --Wade Brown, to Jarrod Lombardo
"Oh, but Schlake, I so adore your penis!" --Wade Brown
"Those words have never passed my lips in front of my mother, and they never will." --Simon, aka Jessica Lynch, speaking of blow jobs
"I don't need the quotes page to tell me what being in bed with Buddy is like." --Wade Brown
"Being in bed with you is an embarassment." --Wade Brown, to Buddy
"Then my ass has served its purpose today. It has ruined one of your spoons." --Wade Brown
"I don't put dildos in my mouth, I have a place." --Wade Brown
"Excuse me while I go and clean the glory that has been deposited in my britches." --Wade Brown
"If I had meant deer-penis I would have said deer-penis." --Matt Thomas, as reported by Buddy
"I masturbate, but not openly." --A bellydancer, but not Mandy
"You will not go blind. Not unless you ejaculate in your eye." --Maria Martinez
"Want to play with this? It will probably turn your hands pink." --Jess Lynch
"Hey Schlake, Buddy's bad in bed!" --Wade Brown
"I've licked Buddy's penis, but thats not the same either." --Wade Brown, commenting on what Matt Thomas said.
"Hey, I've touched Buddy's penis." --Mat Thomas
"I'm just like Amanda Grizzle, except I suck more of SCHLAKES cock." --Mary Seidel, pretending to be Lisa Eskra
"When you have a asshammer, everyone looks like a nail!" --S Rusa, commenting on the theory that "everyone is gay"
"Python is the soothing balm of a snob languague I use to assuage my C++ shame!" --S. Rusa
"pass on the juicy love..." --Leslie Bentley
"Why don't you just pull your pants down and give us a real penis." --Wade Brown
"I had to give up caffeine because my nipple hurt." --Wade Brown
"How small is a useless vagina? I don't know anything about vagina sizes." --Wade Brown
"You look a lot different with hair. And naked." --Wade Brown, to Schlake
"Yes, I want a sperm-funded car." --Wade Brown
"I suck? Sometimes I swallow but not very often." --Amanda Grizzle
"Her hole doesn't stay closed like any good woman's." --Wade Brown
"I get off on tree leaves." --Ben Herman(?)
"Jarrod looks quite amused, and I got a dollar for licking Jarrod." --Schlake
"I don't think I'm going to believe that's a boy until I see it naked." --Jess Lynch
"I think I'll leave my underwear in the car." --Jess Lynch
"I don't need butter in my belly button, but I'll put it on your head after you shave and it will make it all lubricated." --Amanda Grizzle
"There will be no marching of dong dongs in this house." --John Balulis
"You fail, you could not be a fudge packer!" --Jason Trowbridge
"All hail the pink goddess." --Jess Lynch
"I've got a sperm on my head." --Jess Lynch
"Thou shalt appear on Schlake's Daily pages at least twice." --One of the rejected Ten Commandments that was not passed down from the mighty ones who dwell atop M Mountain to the Prophet Moe, as reported by Paydirt.
"If the answer is no, then I am of the belief that you are in the minority and will gradually come around to the majority's point of view. It may not be pretty, but there are ways of making you comply . . ." -- Anna McLain, Assistant Controller - Restricted Funds, in a mass email to all employees.
"I don't read squirrels." --Jason Trowbridge
"It more than moistens the children, it gets them wet." --Jason Trowbridge
"Ooh, here's something called 'armorsmith in my pocket'." --Warren Marts
"I'm eating all your cocks." --Amandra Grizzle
"Stick your hands in this glowing hole." --Jessica Lynch
"Dad, it's one a.m. and I'm out of saliva." --Lisa Simpson
"War is better than Prozac sometimes." --Jason Trowbridge
"I need a sheep costume." --Jason Trowbridge
"In closing, I don't want any man-on-man-on-man three-ways on my couch. The coffee table, sure; but not the couch." --Kevin Smith (aka Silent Bob)
"I'm not with them, I just happen to be dressed as a Jedi." --Unknown woman indicating several stormtroopers, Boba Fett, and an imperial officer standing near her
"I can't meet women so I make my own." --Clinton Crawley
"I'd love to be beaten and/or poked with sticks." --Becky McGill
"I have one ball left." --Joleen Mares
"I only read books to look for insulting names for my penis." --Schlake
"Oooh! I have a dick down my cleavage!" --Amanda Grizzle
"These are dangerous because you can get to the point where you can chew on a cock and its good, you know?" --Amanda Grizzle
"You have a pet whale, I'm in the bed right now." --Amanda S_
"You start getting all wet and slimy and its like cervical mucus." --Amanda S_
"I like your head. It amuses me." --Amanda Grizzle
"Everyone needs penis candy." --Michael Baldwin
"Don't make me run in this shirt!" --Unknown high-school girl chasing someone near the SUB
"I don't like looking at naked people unless I'm married." --Ktinga
"It makes you wiggle just to think about it." --Jessica Lynch
"I've got plumbers crack too!" --Jessica Lynch
"I wrote them a nasty letter to get me off!" --Marissa Woulfe
"In my world they nailed Jesus to the cross by his head." --Schlake
"I'm much more interested in licking what used to be my balls." --Jessica Lynch
"Oh, I've never seen a blue one before." --Jessica Lynch
"I wasn't expecting it to be so weird and different." --Warren Marts, about Monty Python and the Holy Grail on DVD
"I wish I had had the chance to have anal sex with some slim young lady with tight breasts." --Michael Mundy, in a note addressed "To Nobody in Particular"
"Girl scout cookies go great with beer!" --A girl scout selling girl scout cookies at Smith's
"I'm not a big art person. If you can't ride it or plug it into something I'm ..." (he trailed off with a flourish of his hands) --Matt Richmond
"I don't want a leprechan in my pants. He might embarass me in class." --Jessica Lynch
"I don't think I noticed the prostitutes when I was eleven." --Schlake
"I think I might piss myself." --Ben Bennink, watching "The Chamber"
"Dude, I'm sorry, but penis meat would be much better for you than this." --Ben Bennink, eating a Slim Jim
"Nothing like a greased Paladin shooting through a hole." --Ben Herman
"That's what we women are looking for. We want a best friend with a penis." --A female announcer (Dee?) on 100.3 KPEK, who was promptly cut off by a commercial break.
"They made me eat that stuff at the employee meeting." --C, an employee at the Newsstand discussing i-lube
"That's one dirty dildo." --Jess Lynch
"I know that dildo!" --Jess Lynch
"Nudity and Schlake shouldn't be used in the same sentence." --Patrick Smith
"I kind of made a golden mess." --Amanda Grizzle
"You're pretty cocky for a a guy with a steaming penis." --Warren Marts
"I tried it out to see if it hurt and I decided it hurted." --Amanda Grizzle
"What is sad is that I don't put out. I'm just a tease." -Amanda Grizzle
"I'm a moderate masturbater." --Kristin Gunning
"What am I asking you for? You're clinging to a sheep." --Kelly Acridge
"Why don't they just make Koala condoms?" --Jess Lynch
"That's what I get for being bored and trying to deep-throat an ice-pop." --Jess Lynch
"It's like asking a weasel if I have nice udders." --Eric Beckstead
"It's gigantic, thick, and sluglike." --Eric Beckstead
"We all need dead hookers in our trailer." --Jess Roth
"People are much more attractive with ears." --Jess Roth
"Mandy cums on a thirteen." --Mandy Grizzle
"Ok! I wanna watch! Not really." --Mandy Grizzle
"I'm not an albuquerque-ite so I'm depending on the person who almost shoved me through an air vent this afternoon." --Jess Lynch
"I'm still suprised at the success of my Trojan frog." --Warren Marts
"It is one thing to have a cat. It is another to live in Pussy Central." --Mary Seidel
"There's only three holes in me." --Mary Seidel
"I'm worth two sacks of potatoes." --Mary Seidel
"My dad doesn't need to know about my breeding practices." --Jess Lynch
"He is virtually infested with badgers." --Owen Ford
"I found anti-badger repellant." --Jason Trowbridge
"You DO know me. I'm wearing a hat." --Jess Roth
"I'll pull his pants down. You spray it up his anus." --Amanda Grizzle
"I am a big fan of bag air." --Jarrod Lombardo
"Ok, bag air is good!" --Jarrod Lombardo
"It is amazing what a hole in the rubber can do!" --Jess Lynch
"Ow! big burning bone of pain!" --Glen Holcomb
"I've decided that having a monkey in my pants is more irritating than fun." --Amanda Grizzle
"I made a little chart because I like little charts." --Jarrod Lombardo
"I don't wiggle! Actually, I wiggle a lot." --Amanda Grizzle
"Lay on lips instead!" --Amanda Grizzle
"You will keep your impure hands off of my chaste body thank you." --Jess Roth
"Remind me not to have sex with Schlake." --Amanda Grizzle
"I look like such a slut on Schlake's page." --Amanda Grizzle
"This is fun. I feel like a big tomato." -Czaquerie Bradshaw
"Every woman is attractive with a blank brown rectangular face." --Schlake
"If I survive I think the first thing I'm gonna buy is a peice of white cloth on a stick." --Schlake, playing DnD3e in an encounter that was going quite badly for the party
"You cheese bottle stud you." --Warren Marts, to Jarrod
"You're the one who brought up the subject of nun-buggery. Just you remember that, you're awfully transparent." --Warren Marts
"I want to be neutrally bouant. I sink." --Jess roth
"Ok! Tie me up!" --Amanda Grizzle
"In the land of One-Eye, the people with only one eye are the same." --Jarrod Lombardo
"Blood makes Pepsi better." --Schlake
"I think we could auction off the right to lick the sweat off Schlake's head." --Warren Warts
"I'm going to try having a penis for a while." --Jess Roth
"I have a Pi in the oven." --Schlake "Is it made out of monkey sperm?" --Jess Roth
"If you think cryptography is the answer to your problem, then you don't know what your problem is." --PGN
"Don't throw your sperm at me bitch!" --Brian Stewart
"My sarchophagi look like penii." --Kscott Rowe
"Raisins don't crawl on you when you sleep." --Owen Ford "But they do!" --Jess Roth
"If we build a railgun we have to build a railgun that fires kosher salami." --Own Ford
"Relax guys. I'm not gonna set Schlake on fire." --Owen Ford, smoking while Schlake was being drenched in gasoline.
"It's my birthday! Don't I get midgets?" --Eric Heatwole
"The U.S. market already represents 25 percent of our semen sales, which total eight million francs ($1.14 million)." --Coopex Director Maurice Magueur
"Boobs are noiseless." --Philip Griego
"What are you doing? Are you chewing on your Jesus? Are you lying to me?" --Jason Trowbridge
"Oh God, its wobbly." --Jason Trowbridge
"If Schlake pulled out his penis, would you color on that?" --Mandy, speaking to Sparky
"Note to self: don't pet Schlake's cat and bring ear plugs next week. I know where that cats been." --Ben Herman
"Don't touch my mother." --Matt Bradley
"My cat's mother ate dead puppies." --Ben Herman
"I should probably go. I have to get home and masturbate desperately." --Eric Heatwole
"Consenting 12 year olds are being Good to their neighbors." --Jarrod Lombardo
"Can I lay hands on myself seeing as I am touching myself?" --Jess Roth
"Yea, its an inline udder, not a square udder." --Warren Marts
"Look, we are trying to buy Jesses sexual favors, we aren't interested in what you are doing with your pliers." --Schlake
"Sweet. That's my ass. I've got wings on." --Virginia Raybon
"She has boobs. Therefore she's infinitely more fun than me." --Owen Ford, about Jess Roth
"Jargon is the elites way of seperating out the chaff. Wheat chaff is discarded, but people chaff can be made into nutricious breakfast foods, or sold into prostitution." --Schlake
"Rainbow colored swiss brain, because it has holes in it, that's how you know its cheese." --Schlake, discussing Czaq with Mary
"You're not allowed to pull my Monkey!" --Joleen Mares
"Oh well! I'd rather my toe fell off than my clitoris, eh? Maybe." --Mary Seidel
"...And don't quote me!" --Mary Seidel
"I'd pay extra to pee on Jesus!" --Schlake
"The Shop-Vac works great for picking up piddle spots. You don't understand, I've been having to do this by hand!" --Jason Trowbridge
"I reserve the right to suck virtually at random." --Mary Seidel
"I'm holding my action until they do something, but I've got my halberd in one hand, a torch in the other, and I'm covered in oil." --Brian Stewart (playing Earthdawn while seperated from the rest of the party and cornered in a small room by half a dozen undead obsidimen)
"I can't believe you just used ovipositor in a sentence." --Owen Ford
"We don't want to be oviposited." --Kscott Rowe
"If he didn't come out I would have waited until someone else went in and didn't come out before I went in, because I'm a coward." --Kelly Acridge (playing Earthdawn and debating the merits of trying to talk to Earthroot)
"I just got devoured by management inside my head." --Mary Seidel
"A guy can come all over me, but he cannot come in my mouth!" --Amanda Grizzle
"Yeah, the TCC is just crawling with number therorists." --Matt Richmond
"I dunno, just compile it and see if it doesn't crash." --Matt Richmond
"Think of the fun we could have if we could glue pepsi---reliably" --Schlake
"I can only eat through my nose because I have lipstick on." --Mary Seidel
"I'm not as round or as black." --Mary Seidel, comparing herself to tires
"Hey, I took Chemistry three times, I know this." --Danny Quist
"Look, your condiment dispensing utensils are not going to frighten me." --Mary Seidel
"Make sure we didn't flop swap and gymnasium" --KScott Rowe
"I'm going to go check my mail and see if I have any underwear." --Mary Seidel
"If I had a rubber hat, I wouldn't need to dye my head." --Schlake
"Hee, hee. I'm not very good at dressing myself, but my breasts tend to cooperate with my feeble efforts." -- Mary Seidel
"Well, when you get bored just picture me frolicing naked on Einstein." --Barb Mattson
"Phil's penis is not some 2 foot long 2mm thick greasy thing." --Mary Seidel
"Well then don't put body fluids all over my imaginary apartment." --Mary Seidel
"No, Schlake keeps his testicles as long as Mary is in charge." --Mary Seidel
"Slack-jawed self-lubricating rubber-monkey meat-puppet." --Schlake
"I am woman. Hear me wriggle." --Mary Seidel
"She told me I could have britches!" --My mom, fighting the helpful folks in the Emergency Room who were cutting her clothes off
"Cheese dip is an entirely different ball of Pepsi." --Schlake
"Those aren't demons, but if you insist, equip me with a herd of pigs and a cliff and I'll see what I can do." --Mary Seidel responding to allegations that she is inhabited by demons.
"Too much stomach. Have it removed. Install dinosaurs." --Becky McGill, speaking about Jarrod's belly button and the tv miniseries Journey to the Center of the Earth.
"It's the thing that doesn't feel like any of us." --???
"It's on the ceiling and I don't want a dirty thing to suck on. Oh why does it have to be alive?" --Mary Seidel
"My breasts are stupid." --Mary Seidel
"Hey hey, I'm all for round slime covered objects" --Warren Marts
"Aaaaaaa! My ass is wet and cold and smells like Right Guard." --Ben Herman
"You know what sucks? I don't seem to have anything here that says I don't need to breathe." --Ben Herman
"So I don't trust mouth people, I think they are overly paranoid" --Mary Seidel
"Does anyone know where I can get a lot of gerbils cheap?" --Jonathan Hudston
"It sucks monkey ass, balls, and dick." --Crystal Krabbenhoft
"I wish I had more breasts to have more fun during sex." --Crystal Krabbenhoft
"The first stapled uniboob." --Matthew Osielski
"You don't know that! There could be a secret society of Schlake Masturbators!" --Mary Seidel
"My nipple is oddly pigmented." --Mary Seidel
"I seek my own comfort. I boldly get up on my knees..." --Mary Seidel
"I don't want to find anything out while I'm naked. I want you to tell me before." --Mary Seidel
"Now I'm full. I hate my stomach." --Mary Seidel
"I wish I had a secret stomach somewhere." --Mary Seidel
"It's your fault for mmmmmm nakeding me!" --Mary Seidel
"I'm self lubricating." --Ben Herman
"I don't like him festering in a box." --KScott Rowe
"I will hide in your anal cavity! LETS ROCK!" --Brian Stewart
"Hey there. I see you forgot your cylindrical suction device." --KScott Rowe
"You know, they can turn themselves inside out. I bet that would generate some impressive suction." --Ben Herman, theororizing about having sex with a sea cucumber
"Like a snake is a penis, a mouse is a vagina?" --Eric Heatwole
"Oh, I thought you were looking for a penis contractor." --Dimitar Haralanov
"People can't just go around haphazardly wearing pants for no reason." --Matt Richmond
"Now you can't just go stapling things to your penis willy-nilly" --Warren Marts
"It might entertain you, but you have your pen and pencil, so no entertainment for you!" --Mary Seidel
"No, I never mean semen, never, even when I say it." --Mary Seidel
"I like you because banana frog butterfly leaping over peach field." --Mary Seidel
"I'd rather be something that people look at while masturbating than something people look at because I'm interesting." --Mary Seidel
"I'll wear the ball gag if I get my own hammock." --Mary Seidel
"All my quotes are about the ball gag!" --Mary Seidel
"You can lick lots of things, what's stopping you?" --Marta Hemerich
"At least he shares his elk penises." --Jason Trowbridge
"I am not responsible for the debts of my head." --Ben Herman
"All the good Gods require anal cleanliness" --Warren Marts
"Schlake has issues with long hard glowing things." --Ben Herman
"Only one way to find out. Shave their heads and look for scars. Use them instead of the walnuts." --Ben Herman
"You don't put pogo sticks in your ass!" --Ben Herman
"That's not true, I use them every time I whack off." --Ben Herman
"Besides we still don't know how many nipples reindeer have." --Jason Trowbridge
"I'd be more intimidated by the one with a glowing crotch in the flock of rocs." --Ben Herman
"My monkey is having his way with an Oreo right now." --Eric Heatwole
"I'm trying to see God, this has nothing to do with my penis." --Schlake
"I can't imagine getting any kind of sexual pleasure from a woman with a fan zip-tied to her crotch." --Eric Heatwole
"The transitive closure of the fuck relation." --Warren Marts
"I don't know. I haven't suckled a reindeer lately, but I'll put it on my list." --Matt Richmond
"Billions and billions of them, made out of cheesecakes and stapled to the poor so then they have food and nourishment." --Andy Graves
"Hairy, evil Jessica stays inside." --Jessica Lynch
"I don't think I'm regular. Aren't dates made out of prunes?" --Andy Graves
"PORN! Porn! Porn! Porn! It's four letters long!" --Matt Richmond
"It is really disturbing to have a head and not to know what to do with it." --Jason Trowbridge
"You can get a whole human skeleton in a couple of cubic feet, (a medium sized carrier bag, or one of those large paper bags people in movies use to carry their groceries home) and it will only way ~5kg or so (once defleshed and dried out...), maybe even less. Trust me on this, I'm an archaeologist!" --Matthew Bond (earthdawn@dragonpaw.org May 31 2000)
"I really need to repink it soon." --Matt Richmond
"Well, you could use yourself as seasoning to make other food taste like you." --KScott Rowe
"I don't want to play with it, I just want to poke it." --KScott Rowe
"That's how they make SPAM you know. Giant spiders and pigs." --Alan Kerr
"I really enjoyed the girl feet section of your page, and not just because I am a girl, and have feet." -- Kristen Nicoson
"That was an interesting slurping sound. I wish I had a tape recorder." --Matt Richmond
"I couldn't anally fuck someone to sleep, much less to death." --Jason Trowbridge
"I'm still wearing my pants. It's early." --Becky McGill
"That's so people don't get confused and start sticking their food up their anuses. Unless they want to." --Jason Trowbridge
"I don't see how it could not make you think of sex." --Michael Stock
"Cocaine is bad for you, don't do it, because then you bite your tongue." --R_
"It's fun to make men feel like shit." --Shannon Kelly
"Well it don't stick if your pants are on!" --Ben Herman
"Consider it butt-mail armor." --Jason Trowbridge
"See, now I have a story on why I pee blood." --Ben Herman
"Sorry it took so long, I went to see about my hello kitty vibrator then I saw a bumblebee." --Mary Seidel
"But I don't want to be sodomized by genitorturers!" -- Jason Trowbridge
"Well, I can reach my ass with my feet, but that is not why they are dirty." --Jess Lynch
"John, do you want Jenn's number?" --Dave Leyba "No, actually I was going to watch Schlake masturbate with donuts." --John D. Hughes
"There are lots of things that girls can do that make their boobs bounce up and down." --Dave Leyba
"Wow, I think I just figured out why the Catholic Church frowns on masturbation!" --John D. Hughes
"You sent them on a suicide mission into a tissue paper." --Schlake
"I just like sucking chest wounds." --Andy Graves
"I'm a gemini, I have two." --Jessica Lynch
"If you cut me in half..." --Jessica Lynch "You'll be bleeding." --Andy Graves
"Think of us all as tinker toys and the glue that holds us together is a spicy mustard." --Andy Graves
"I like getting a good suck from gravity." --Andy Graves
"What? You don't like getting blowjobs from a singularity?" --Andy Graves
"It's like eating a condom." --John D. Hughes
"When I wake up I just have a hard time handling meat." --Matt Richmond
"I wish I had three bellybuttons still." --Jessica Lynch
"I like sleeping on the floor. You don't have to worry about falling off." --Matt Richmond
"Mouth, food, what more do you need?" --Mary Seidel
"I did some research. Cows have udders. In conclusion, cows are a land of contrast." --Mary Seidel
"Some you can see all of the udders, some you can see some of the udders." --James Sullivan
"Wow, look at those nipples poke out after that gag went in." --Nikki Brown
"Because I was becoming visibly aroused. You don't want me..." --Mary Seidel
"There is a lot of drool on that." --Mary Seidel, describing her ball gag
"I don't know much about breasts." --Dr. Gary Olsen, Dean of Students
"I didn't like the part where he made us cook and eat our own rabbits." --Mary Seidel, talking about end of semester reviews for a class
"Don't slick wetty men." --Vincent McIntire
"Nope. I just stuck it way to far in." --Jason Trowbridge
"It's a risk you take every time you open up your mouth in front of Schlake." --Jason Trowbridge
"No, its ok, I was pretending to be somebody else. I don't really like horse semen." --Mary Seidel
"But in a way aren't we all bound in panty hose?" --Mary Seidel
"No ob prep duh." --Beth Campbell
"Trimming the Play-Doh away from his teeth is tough." --Thomee Wright, as reported by Mary Seidel
"The gravy group is a fickle mistress." --Seth Schuyler, as reported by Mary Seidel
"Oh but I would love to be purplish blue forever." --Mary Seidel
"I'm really glad I didn't end up squishing myself." --Mary Seidel
"For Martian let's substitute Noam Chomsky." --Dr. Chuck Campbell
"Look, I'm fiddling with my shirt, look at something else." --Mary Seidel
"I actually am interested in the catalog, but, I have to pee, then I have to go to dinner." --Mary Seidel
"Mmmmmm. Horse semen." --Mary Seidel
"I've just been in Schlake's crotch! That was traumatizing!" --Jason Trowbridge
"You can imagine gnomes crouching in little adverb caves." --Mary Seidel
"I think that is a mistake because then we are sitting in our own adverb positions." --Mary Seidel
"How old are they?" --a State Cop "I'm just glad I had my shirt on when he drove up." --Patti Dorn
"Foreheads taste really nasty." --Schlake "No, actually yours tastes like candy corn." --Mary Seidel
"I think I'm ready to be corrected, and then it may help other people." --Mary Seidel
"Hyphens are cool." --Beth Campbell
"What is a particle? Something that when you glue enough of them together you get bored?" --Dr. Chuck Campbell
"A carpal tunnel is something you find on a fish farm." --Dr. Chuck Campbell
"Picking up other peoples penis parts. Oh look, there's my hair!" --Maggie Stauffer
"You're cruisn' for a bruisin' there in the comprehension department." --Dr. Emily Nye, as reported by Mary Seidel
"I'll try to work my rectum in next week." --Alan Aspinwall, responding to complaints that he neglected to talk about his rectum.
"It increases your sucking precision." --Matt
"Hey, you don't have a scaly cunt so you can just be quiet." --Peck "Ok, that's fair." --Ben Herman
"Mmmm...deep carrots" --Mary Seidel
"I can't help it, I'm in the naked-girl bag." --Mary Seidel
"And God-damn-it, I'm the only woman in this room with a clitoris." --Mary Seidel
"That guy looks like Cort. No, maybe it is just his dick that looks like Cort." --Mary Seidel
"Ow! You hurt myself that way!" --Jason Trowbridge
"Are you going to make me feel dirty?" --Mary Seidel
"Nathan doesn't dangle in that way. Nathan dangles in other ways, but not that way." --Nathan P. Simons
"Then your buttons don't pulsate correctly!" --Jason Trowbridge
"We want to sleep in a cave because I'm used to married life where you can't ever sleep in a cave." --Andy Maer
"I wear a shirt so that I don't have to wipe my ass on my chest." --Alan Aspinwall
"I'm going over to the softball game and beat up Hitler's widow." --George Carlin
"I don't have anything to scoop out of my colon." --Alan Aspinwall
"Pull it out and show it to me!" --Jason Trowbridge
"My pubic hair is pink!" --Mary Seidel, explaining why Penthouse is a respectable magazine
"I don't want an 8-meg tiff of my penis." --Jason Trowbridge
"That way you don't deplete your supply of forehead goo. It can be recycled." --Matt Richmond
"Who is to say I can't impersonate you with my rectum?" --Alan Aspinwall
"Why don't we just install a multi-headed dog in the server room?" --Alan Aspinwall
"So our plan is to fart and reason them out of existence?" --Matt Richmond
"This one is long enough it tickles the back of my throat." --Schlake
"Damn. I'm all full. Stupid food." --Hempy
"That really makes your boobs jiggle." --Mushi
"There's a condom on the thing!" --Barb Mattson
"My hands feel nasty!" --Barb Mattson "That's because you were playing with it." --Mushi
"We'd just lie in bed naked and poke at each other." --Bob Broilo, discussing sex with Kathy after eating at El Sombrero
"Ooooh! We can pee in here!" --Barb Mattson, at Target
"I've got a lot of spit." --Barb Mattson
"I don't need a big tongue. All I need is a big mouth." --Liz
"It's like velcro, you can get stuck." --Tony, discussing hairy men with hairy women
"Women just suck it in." --(probably) Barb Mattson
"I don't want to fondle Schlake's bare genitals and I'm not ashamed to admit it." --Justin Hooper
"In any event, don't drink heavy water." --Dr. Larry Werbelow
"You amazed me with slugs, so amaze me again." --Dr. Larry Werbelow
"I got a better belch out of a kaiser roll this morning." --Barb Mattson
"I can't make myself vibrate as well." --Barb Mattson
"I'm pretty much happy with whatever comes." --Barb Mattson
"Pepper? Oh, I've done pepper before." --Barb Mattson
"I'm the only one with a butt compressor." --Gina Weber
"That's why I masturbate when I wake up, to make sure my prostate is working." --Peck
"I wish they made that! A suck-me fuck-me Adolph doll would be great!" --Peck
"I'm a bottom feeder. I don't know what is going on." --KScott Rowe
"None of your balls are like flaming colors, are they?" --Chewy
"I was going to point it at her and threaten to squeeze it, but lo and behold it started squirting on its own." --Schlake
"I'm so full I can't wiggle." --Mushi
"It's like when you are laying in bed, and you say ``God damn! I'm really horny. Maybe I shouldn't have killed that Girl Scout last night.''" --Peck
"It would be easy to go down on. You know what to lick. No fumbling around in the dark for that thing." --Peck
"Do you mind if I go into the bathroom? I've never masturbated on a crime scene before." --Peck
"The reason you aren't quantal is because you are pretty massive." --Dr. Larry Werbelow
"Sodium must be a good metal. Strong, heavy, throw it in a bucket of water and it sinks." --Dr. Larry Werbelow
"We can come to Chemistry late, because like, he's an idiot." --Nancy Hindle
"``Why'' questions aren't answered by mortals." --Dr. Larry Werbelow
"I gave you a lot of rope this test." "Somehow, you took this rope and hung yourself." "H + H -> He? Don't do this." --Dr. Larry Werbelow
"Can you guys here me back there?" "Yes." "That's good, because I can hear you. I just want to make sure I am talking as loud as you are." --Dr. Larry Werbelow, talking to someone at the back of the classroom
"A mole is a large quantity." --Dr. Larry Werbelow
"If I say anything in lecture that offends you then feel free to transfer." --Dr. Larry Werbelow
"Of course, usually you take bathes because you are dirty." --Dr. Larry Werbelow
"Six is about six percent of one-hundred. Six is exactly six percent of one-hundred. Do you understand what I am saying?" --Dr. Larry Werbelow
"What is the heat capacity of SPAM?" --Dr. Larry Werbelow
"Magnetic resonance, not renaissance." --Dr. Larry Werbelow
"Actually, the energy used is a little less for reasons you don't want to know about." --Dr. Larry Werbelow
"You can ask me questions on anything. If I can't answer it, I'll lie." Dr. Robert Cormack
"We don't get hit in the head enough." --Dr. Robert Cormack
"You all know about the squid." --Dr. Robert Cormack
"Neurons are pesky little critters." --Dr. Robert Cormack
"Every time you try to point it, it flops over. Its a bummer." Dr. Robert Cormack
"If you know I'm watching you, you may avoid scratching, especially certain parts of your body. If you don't know I'm watching you'll scratch that too." --Dr. Robert Cormack
"I'm proud of you. You scratched." --Dr. Robert Cormack
"Now bowling ball is mommy!" --Dr. Robert Cormack
"Love is when you don't score." --Dr. Robert Cormack
"Mothers serve as more than a place to cling to and nurse." --Dr. Robert Cormack
"One mole of ball bearings would be slightly larger than the earth." --Dr. Larry Werbelow
"What if you put 300 psi in your car tire? You wouldn't survive it." Dr. Larry Werbelow
"Nature likes to give you e." --Dr. Larry Werbelow
"I don't want to belabor the point. You can see its obvious." Dr. Larry Werbelow
"His name was Nero, and you might have heard of him." --Kevin Muller
"Somebody hit him.........either try to stay awake or don't come to class." --Kevin Muller
"The Roman's had a pretty brutal sense of humor." --Kevin Muller
"You know I never really thought to look for belly-buttons. But now we know to look for belly-buttons." --Kevin Muller
"I can't do that Spock thing." --(probably) Kevin Muller
"He is defeated, yes, but he is defeated right between his victors legs." --Kevin Muller
"I've stood too close to the magnet, so...." --George Bendo, explaining his notion of time
"He's a rugged Manly individual." --Sam, describing Charles the First
"You can't be a clod when you are an aristocrat." --Kevin Muller
"The more things you know, the more things you don't know." --Kevin Muller
"Does she look realistic? Not as much as the bed." --Kevin Muller
"Physicians like to analyze art, perhaps because they have a lot of money to buy art." --Kevin Muller
"If you look at it long enough, and if you know the title..." --Kevin Muller, explaining how to do well on an Art History test
"Two bald men is the premise I had." --Kevin Muller, explaining a comparison between Picasso and Cerzanne
"Woo hoo! Look! A moustache!" --Kevin Muller, making fun of Picasso
"It looks like a person. There's no head, but there's a neck." --George Bendo
"It looks like a sausage, too." --Kevin Muller, describing a woman's breasts
"Moble Nunk" --Dr. Emily Nye
"Wouldn't it be funny if I fell over? I've never done that before." --Dr. Emily Nye
"See? Life imitates computer." --Dr. Emily Nye
"Why should I wear a bra? I don't need to wear a bra. Bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce." --Dr. Emily Nye
"If other people are giving me jobs: Boy I must be a good truck stop." --Dr. Emily Nye
"...It's snowing..." --Dr. Emily Nye, a non-sequitor
"If you made some kind of semi-scientific wild-ass guess I gave you a point." --Dr. Chuck Campbell
"Anybody else have upside-down dyslexia?" --Dr. Chuck Campbell
"I am having a verb breakdown." --Nancy Hindle
"It would be harder to see me as a face if one of my eyes is over on that wall. I probably wouldn't like it much either." --Dr. Robert Cormack
"I have a soul. I have a chiauhua" --Dr. Jon Price
"How do we make that link between the word cat and object meow-meow" --Dr. Lara
"He has never been a tree. He has no clue." --unknown
"Everybody's got to do some form of masturbating every day." --Mimi Leland
==============================================================================
Barb Section Barb took her quote collection with her when she left Socorro. I found it again on her web page. I copied some of the Socorro ones here. Her whole list is on her web page.
Quit your bitching! It wouldn't be s'nasty if you weren't squirmin' s'much. --Mushi
I can't spread my legs wide enough. --Mushi
I'm not sacred anymore, people have been biting me in various places --Barb
If I have a suck, and my suck hurts...that's kind of odd. --Mushi
You'd be pretty amusing in drag, Schlake. You'd be a humongous woman. --Mushi
We just put it in his mouth and squirt. He'll have blood sugar almost immediately. --Schlake, about some weird person
You're sucking on a frozen phallus, just thought you should know. --Barb
Schlake: You've been touching yourself, haven't you? Barb: No, actually I haven't.
I can't even imagine making love to a man. It must be really disgusting. --Bob
Lard will hold the thing in? --Mushi
The only two things I can't do without are chocolate and sex. --Liz
Tony: You aren't going to let him breed, are you? Chewy: Not with me he's not. --about Schlake
Let me dig it out...It will only take just a minute. --Schlake
I LIKE to fondle my phun physics phallus. --Barb and Mushi
Oh good, now my manager is telling me what kind of underwear he has. --Kirsten
Once you're wedged, you're fucked. --Rayzor
Just so your pen will ring, which is in your butt. What's that man doing mommy? --Bob on...need you ask?
I don't need a big tongue, I just need a big mouth. --Liz
You bite him, then you don't touch me. --Chewy
He got up and left because I was vibrating him. --Kirsten
Yes, I'm starting to open up... --Matt (Frank)
You just pull the right cord and it comes. --Barb, about KScott's feet
Mushi: I'm walking around with a spatula. Barb: For why? Mushi: Because it fits in my mouth.
It was after I got my blow job. I squirted it over Dave, into the next booth. --Schlake, describing stupid straw tricks at Denny's
I had to repack your rear end. I hope I did it correctly. --Schlake
She's got to make my penis! --Barb
I went in the bathroom by myself in the dark and felt for it. --Chewy
No, he hasn't eaten it, he's trying to stick it to Lego pieces. --Jeff discussing Schlake
Don't take off until I've got these between my legs. --Mushi
Some of the holes are easier than others. --Barb
Is this going to chafe?
I'm going to bed. You were talking about starting up a woman...that's all I need. --Barb, expressing surprise that Schlake is leaving
He's got six balls. Two if you count the ones that are attached. --Schlake on KScott
That's because you didn't seal your lips very well around what you were sucking on. --Mushi, explaining....to Schlake
I can't breathe in. I can't breathe out. I'm going to turn blue and die! --Barb on the quantum mechanics of muffin crumbs
Relax your cheeks! Relax your cheeks! --John, standing behind Matt
Let's decompose and enjoy assembling --directions for fun ball puzzle
I smell like salvia, but it's not mine. --Barb
Put this bitch down. --Mushi on Mushi
It's just me and Kirsten, and she's getting eaten. --Barb
It felt a lot different when you were in it than it looks from the outside. --Bob --Barb as Schlake ties her up
I have to hold on to my object to think. --Bob
Be careful, this is powerful stinky. --Bob
Yeah, that's bigger than mine. --Matt in a room alone with Bob
These are the fat, fun sheep. --Crash
Pulled the eraser out with my ass, so the lead went everywhere. --Mushi
Bob: I was trying to hit KScott in the crotch... Barb: And you hit me in the eye.
It wasn't stuck, it was just...oh god! --Barb
Jeff: This tool... Kirsten: opens my tailgate.
Your mouth has to be open to play with the este. --Spudboy
Mushi: Matt... Matt: Am I still helping? Don't tell me it's too soft. Mushi: It's too hard!
Everybody knows that when Barb uses her imagination, you'd better get off quick. --Mushi
She started chasing me and things came up quickly. --Jeff on Mushi
I wonder who he's smelling. I don't remember who drooled on me last. --Kirsten
I'm going to stop licking you. Every time I do, something gets aimed at my head. --Joleen to Schlake
Study what KScott does in the office late at night really loud. --Schlake
I'm going to replace my acrylic ball soon. --Schlake discussing an 8-ball
I'm used to feeling soft, gushy instead of hard stuff over soft stuff. --Mushi, about a waterbed
He's all, there's jiggling between my legs and I don't know what to do about it. --Kirsten
I can't get into you from here. --Bob
Wow, and it's really long, too! --Matt
You don't know how happy I am to get that thing in my mouth. --Schlake
I have exactly two shoes, and that's just great. --Mushi
I'm not Bob, and this is not his finger. --Barb
It was hard enough to get people to do when it was firm, but now that it's all mushy... --Bob
After two or three knocks I start to get a headache. --Barb
Now might be an appropriate time to put it in. --Barb on complex roots
I will share my lollipop with a dog, but I won't suck on his balls. --Kirsten
That's so cool. I would never have found these by groping. --Barb
Where are we going? Why are we going in circles? What's that smell? --Mushi
Roll him over Chewy... --Barb, about Schlake
If you are done with it, you can take it out. --Bob
You can just bite me; I'm gonna pee. --Barb
Do I have a hole in my butt? --Bob
It's amazing how many things you have to stuff things in on your person. --Mushi, about Barb
Can I look at your utensil? It's all twisted up, you better take it back. --Joleen
He takes a brand new slinky out of the box and says --wow! It's got that brand new slinky feel. --Tony
He just damaged my Lego sword giving my Lego skeleton an erection. Now he's using a Lego paddle for the phallus of a Lego man humping a Lego cannon and he's making really strange sounds. Schlake scares me sometimes. --Spudboy
It's true that my penis is very small, but it's not true about the Hamsters! Dammit... --Bob.
KScott: That must hurt. Schlake: I just blew snot all over the front of myself, but I didn't open my mouth and spray doughnut! (who sprayed doughnut after saying it)
I can only imagine what you would do if I went for your crotch. --Barb, to Matt
Roll him over Chewy --Barb, planning on bursting into where Schlake sleeps with a jar of mustard and some butter (lubricant)
Schlake is more likely to stick a jar of mustard in his butt for a dollar than to drink/eat all the mustard. --Spudboy
KScott just stuck my CSM sign into his ear, and then said "If I stick this in my ear I can taste it". He can't taste it in his left ear, leading him to believe he is right eared. --Schlake
"Tying yourself to a chair?" --KScott "Yah, I needed some kind of loop in my crotch." --Schlake
I can juggle, but I can't keep my balls together. --Crash